How to win court cases
Law is a complex subject, and most legal battles are won outside the court.
Like Shah Rukh Khan said in Hindi Movie ‘Chak de India’ – Hamla saamne wali team ke dimaag par karo, field par goal apne aap ho jaayega! (Attack opposite team’s mind, and you will score a goal on the filed automatically).
Like Bobby Fischer (World chess champion, 1972) once commented about winning a game of Chess – “The objective is to crush the opponent’s mind”. Once you crush the opponent’s mind, the game is automatically won.
Similarly, the fight is not inside the court. What you do outside the court will decide what happens in the court.
IIT-B, IIM-B, 498-A 
pproy said
Very Motivating strategy
vishal said
Superb and I agree whatis mentioned above ” Hamla saamne wali team ke dimaag par karo, field par goal apne aap ho jaayega! “
Idiot said
This is exactly what was happening with me. My wife tortured me mentally and framed charges on me that I totured her mentally. She kept yelling to her parents that she wants divorce, and framed charges on me that I want to giver her divorce and kicked her out my house. She once kept on beating me and I did nothing as I was expecting to get some good action from her dad, once I will complain, but her dad, framed charges not only on me but on my parents that we ill treat her !! So it IS about hitting the mind of the opponent. I was an idiot that could not understand their strategy.
Now, she has calmed down, suprisingly, and her mom and she now say that once we will have kids then everything will be fine. Though she threatene to put my mom behind bars and her dad threatened to file cases against us.
iluvshrutiverma said
It looks like she was beating you often. You are an idiot not only because you could not understand her strategy but also because you did you not file a police complaint when she used to beat you. Men are taught to make the marriage work out at whatever cost. Even the society turns a blind eye when a man is beaten by a woman.
It is OK to beat a man. This is not only in India but in even abroad. Look here to see the reaction of public when a man is beaten http://iluvshrutiverma.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/reaction-to-women-abusing-men-in-public/
You say “Now that she has calmed down” – Has she calmed down or now that she has planned her new strategy?
“once we will have kids then everything will be fine” – Women like these know that kids are a blank chequebook, therefore they want kids, so that she can extract more money from you in the name of child support.
raj said
She has different strategy in her mind. A cat once tasted the blood will try to find it again. You better attack now.
HAppy said
IDOT bhai,
I wish u matrimonial bliss.take certain precautions
exactly the same thing happened to me in aug 09. now im facing 498 a,dv etc.some FOC advice:
1.move out of your parents residence,ask them to disown you in press.
2.ask ur wife to do some job.and keep her bank statements.
3.keep a recording instrument handy. onus to prove ur innocence is on you.
4.dont be in a hurry for the kid
5.READ DOMESTIC VOILENCE ACT.
IKNOW U R NOT GOING TO HEED TO ANY OF THESE SUGGESTIONS.just like most of us(i certainly didnt)and pay for it later.
tc
JusticeSeeker said
hi Happy ,
I agree to implement all of your suggestions.
You know my wife called my dad and her dad. From my dad she got two rail tickets, one for going to her parent’s place and one for coming back. While going to her parent’s place, she said that she will not comeback, and asked us to cancel her ticket.
She came back with her dad again, and said that she had said that she will come back.
Now, she is saying that she will give work and then live independently without giving me divorce. I am not going to stop her from working.
I am going to shift her and myself to separate house.
Please let me know what legal action I can take to book her or put some constraint on her. I am thinking of taking her to the police station and make statement that she will behave properly. I may sound kiddish, but please tell me , be it in a harsh way.
Please let me know what should I do now..
Gaurav said
Dear Mr. Idiot,
usually I would not interrupt a discussion between two. But Here for the sake of a life who is not yet born, I would make exception. I have gone through the stages that you describe for yourself. And believe me (I know you may not incline and come out of intertia or marriage bonding so easily) it is in your best interest and moreoever in the best interest of unborn child to come out of this marriage without a kid. Once you have the kid, she will start her next BIG GAME, emotional blackmail, on account of your child. You must not trust her anymore, this is a strategic move and you will repent if give in to her wishes.
And you are not idiot, as if you had been idiot, then we will have a large population of idiots. Post Kid, KID would be made a tool and that poor guy would suffer for no fault of him.
iluvshrutiverma said
I remember seeing a video that clearly described ‘kids’ as free cheque-book for women.
I do not remember where have I posted that video, but here is something that might interest you (even know it is from America, but fundamentals are applicable here also):
JusticeSeeker said
My wife just went with her father leaving my home for the second time, saying that she will not come back, and now she came again with her dad, and her dad simply asks us to do whatever we want, just don’t physically abuse her. And when I ask why her daughter provokes me , her father says, this is my duty to find out. Bottomline: I am now separate from my parents. Her parents just do not listen. Society is piece of gutless onlookers, courts are just legal buildings sealing fate of humans for money.
How to end this?
JusticeSeeker said
She finally agreed to divorce without any hiccups. It was fishy. We went to some barristor and there she took U turn and left the office indicating that she wants me to undergo psychiatry test as she knows that she did idiotic things herself. Wherever I go she asks to accompany me. I cant go anywhere alone. She yells if anybody except her gives me food. She goes to neighbour’s doors to make spoil their peace so that finally the neighbours should ask us to leave the rented home and go somewhere else. She is just all out to isolate me from my family and make my bad image in society and says openly to call the police or involve barristor to do anything. If I go to some barisstor, she asks me to wait and says she will like to talk in private. If my family goes to seek legal help they frame them for being bad In-Laws to take BAHU to court.If we do not do anything they just dont mend their ways.
Is the only way sir is to just keep cool and wait for her to stop all this or wait till she commits some mistake ?
iluvshrutiverma said
“wait for her to stop all this” – i have been reading your posts for quite sometime now, i see that her ‘erratic’ behavior is a regular thing and will not improve without external help.
“wait till she commits some mistake” – what more mistake do u want her to commit? she has made ur life hell, isnt that enough of a mistake?
Regarding what can you do? Well – I do not know, Sorry. This nation is so much pro-women and anti-men that there is hardly anything you can do. You are always at the mercy of your wife. The society and laws have made the man so scared that he will bear with the torture of his wife for years and years, without being able to do anything about it.
If I were you, I would just kick her out of my life one day (and be prepared for all the court cases etc). The court cases etc will lose all the fuel in 1-2 years but having her in your life is causing you irreparable damage.
(I am assuming that she is not the kind who would give a genuine try to seeking external help)
JusticeSeeker said
she utters so much bad about my parents
i deny making any relationship with her
then she says that my parents brainwash me to do sex with her
when i am angry at her she asks me why am i doing this, what is wrong with me
she is now asking me to go to a psychiatrist, whereas when I had asked her to do the same when nobody from our side are able to know what is causing her to behave like this, then she had denied and even remained out the complete day, and when she came she said that her dad will accompany her
but i am sure you are right i should kick her out of my house, but she says i cant to that as she is my wife legally, everybody in their family is supporting her, whereas in our family, everybody thinks that my parents are bad and nobody listening to me or my parents. should i approach media .
Please muster all of your expertise, and tell me
JusticeSeeker said
There are fully aware of the ways to fool society and law people.
She utters bad only in front of me, and not much in front of my parents.
Who will like to stay with her, nobody, and then when i try to talk to someone on this, she says that its our personal matter, and should not discuss like this. If i do not discuss, she doesnt stop . If i discuss then the person with whom i start discussing, they think its the story of every home, and they ask me to be patient and rub off the problem. If i try to talk to anybody of their family, they say, its our internal matter. They have been threatening for cases, and now if i say about cases then they ask us to do whatever we want to do.
JusticeSeeker said
she created so much trouble in our family and everyone was asking to consult psychologist, i was on hold so that her parents should not start yelling that i am trying to prove that their daughter is mad and on that basis i will try to get divorce. Now that they are afraid of that, they are making grounds to make me checked from psychiatrist. She says so bad about my parents that no son will like to make love to her, and then she utters filth that my mom guides me not to do do sex with her, if i reject her or now that if i scold her , she immitates and asks me like what happened, why am i behaving like this, i should consult some psychologist
Justice Seeker said
Question 1
=========
She used to ask me to allocate a separate rented house for her. Earlier I used to fight that why she wants that.
Now that i am fed up of her deeds, i finally agreed, to which she says that she wants me also to stay with her. She objected. But she readily accepts to stay alone on seperate rented house provided I give the rent. Am I falling into a trap ?
Question 2
=========
When a woman gets maintenance, then (a) does how is the maintenance amount decided, and (b) for how long has the maintenance to be paid ?
Clues:
Is the maintenance amount based on the salary at the time of filing of the divorce or when ??
iluvshrutiverma said
Answer 1
=========
Your wife is just intereted in troubling you and causing you pain. You will never be able to make her happy. As soon as you comply with one of her undue demands, she would come up with another.
Answer 2
=========
(a) maintenance amount depends on the judge – usually laws and judges are unfair. conceptually, some portion of your income is given to her so that she can sustain herself
(b) u have to pay maintenance till the time u die, she dies, or she remarries – which ever happens first. (there has been a case were a woman come back and asked maintenance from her former husband because her present husband was not earning, but those cases are rare). for all practical purposes, u pay maintenance till the time u live, she lives, or she finds another victim man.
iluvshrutiverma said
I have read all your comments in detail and the simple answer again is – you have to remove her from your life.
The laws etc are against you but gather enough courage one day to face everything. Isn’t it better to face police and courts for 2 years than your wife for the rest of your life?
About the society (family), they are all feminists, they will all support a woman in any man woman issue. So I am not surprised. Learn to recognize what is good for you and live for yourself.
Pharma Pharmer said
i agree with the comments made above…i have a very good friend who underwent great deal of torture on account of the kid…
chances are, if it is a son, then knowing indian mindset, emotional connect to the kid is relatively stronger and that opens the gate for the further emotional blackmail…this i have seen from the close quarter…
you may make your choice
best wishes
anil
iluvshrutiverma said
i agree with all your points except the boy child part. i do not think the emotional connect to the kid is relatively stronger if the kid is a boy.
it is one of the myths being propagated by feminists that india has a preference for baby boys OR baby boys are treated any better than baby girls.
In fact, girls are treated better than boys. Refer to point 6 here: http://iluvshrutiverma.wordpress.com/statistics/
We need to always be cautious about the anti-men propaganda that is fed into our brains from everywhere – e.g. everyone believes that female foeticide happens in india, but you would be surprised that its just another myth. read details at http://prassoon.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/female-feticide-%e2%80%93-a-mysterious-propaganda/
Fathers love their children irrespective of gender. http://www.fathers-4-justice.org/ is an NGO operating at international level; http://crisp-india.org/ is an NGO operating at national level.
Fighter said
I am a father and my wife took away my only son when she left home. He is just 1 year old.
I have decided to not take her back as she was always misbehaving and blackmailing me on emotions for child and typical legal threats for false dowry cases. I have readied myself for the fight against legal terrorism. But I am not able to answer for myself child custody question. child is with her and it seems legally it does not seem possible to take child back and even if I file for custody, it will be a long battle and status quo is most likely to be maintained by court once child settles. At the time of her leaving, I did not use any forceful attempt to snatch my child from her, which I regret today. I want to have my son live with me , I plan not to re-marry and have a supporting parents for the upkeep of the child. But I am not sure how should I get my child back. Is it possible that I get my child back ever ? I am just lost on this thought of lossing my child forever, please share if you have any suggestion about child emotions and how to handle it or better how to win it ?
JusticeSeeker said
Hi Fighter,
No doubt, your suffering is more than that of mine.
I will look for some details for your cause and will post here. Do not worry.
R said
Gentlemen,
I have read through many of these messages. I feel that what all of you are writing must be coz of ur experiences after all you are the ones who have the onus to act as a bridge between your wives/ex-wives and your parents.
I somehow am on the other side. I had an arranged marriage. I lived with in laws while my husband was based outstation – idiotic on my part not to quit job and join hubby!!
Well, it was done as desired. Also dowry demands were met initially but not after it became increased to a Merc for my engineer husband.
But I refused to give in for sex determination and this led to crumbling of this relationship when I gave birth to a girl child. an unwanted child for my husband/his parents and they left me and the child in the hospital itself. The child is now 16m old and I am still awaiting his response to my efforts to even talk to him or for him to see/name the child.
Thankfully am financially independent and thus, could manage the child with family support.
I am now contemplating moving family court/seeking conjugal but then wonder if the other party doesn’t even wants to stay. Is there any respect of marriage left in this relationship?
Any advice?
R
iluvshrutiverma said
Dear R,
Families are not made in courts. Even if, after years of battle, you get a piece of paper (conjugal order) from the court, it does not mean that you and your husband would develop any respect, understanding, or affection for each other. No court can make a man and a woman stay ‘as a family’.
Please note the special stress on ‘as a family’ part – of course, the court can get you a residence order in his house, but just living under the same roof does not amount to family. So, if financial / materialistic help is one of your concerns, then the courts can help.
From the limited information that I have about your case, the marriage has most likely ended. The best thing would be for you to accept it and decide how do you want to end it.
By the way, two things:
1. I do not think it was idiotic on your part not to quit your job.
2. Do you know why girl child is unwanted? Read here and we can discuss further http://wp.me/plC3a-aK
R said
Thanks for your response.
I
too now understand that this marriage has finished but just wanted to try for an idea that may save it for the sake of my daughter.
I do not need any monetary support and thus court surely can be ruled out. However, I do feel that the child should have some monetary support from her even though he has denied any wish to keep in touch with the child.
For your information, I did follow a friend’s idea and recorded the last time he said rubbish about having a girl child and all that crap. I could have used it all along against him but then life is much bigger than fighting for some cash.
After all, we need to love people and use things .. and not vice versa.
I can manage my daughter’s upbringing on my own. Do you think if would still be wrong to ask for some monetary support for our daughter? It is not about greed here but just the notion that probably he will some day start feeling for her. She is his blood relation as much as she is mine.
I read the link you sent. You are quite right in your view here. I agree with you that women do need to have responsibility towards parents but then would our society be open to that? Marriage expenses are not equally shared and most don’t even desire. It would be good if we move away from all the pomp and shows and go for simple marriages which just remove complications from our lives. In MOST cases, dowry is required and a girl who doesn’t get it is not treated with the same respect.
I am the only child of my parents and they brought me up well, gave me foreign education. However, after marriage as soon as dowry demands were not met, my problems started. My husband said I could join him at his job location only if my parents would give my salary to him — as that location did not have any job options for me immediately and it would take a while to get it.
Well, all this can go on…
Now back to this marriage, how do you think I can work towards ending it without going to court? Do you think there can be stigma from our society against my daughter’s legitimacy in case her father does not offer her some monetary support?
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
I appreciate the legitimate concern about your daughter, but what about you? Do you really want to put up with a rotten marriage for the sake of the child?
The above is just for your thinking purpose. In the present case, the marriage is finished and it no longer makes a difference even if you decide to give it another try.
“life is much bigger than fighting for some cash” – I agree. Usually people fight either for money or for revenge. If you do not want either of them, then there is no fight.
I do not think it is wrong to ask for monetary support. He is responsible for the child and should be made to pay for the child. I understand that you can support the child on your own but why should he not share at least 50% of the expenses? This way, the child shall also have more resources and you shall also be able to live with better means (or even save more for your retirement).
Regards
R said
Well, thanks for the response.
I had sent a message via my brother in law to my “husband” for a mutual divorce and a reasonable amount for the child which will also can be decided mutually. The friend came back to say that my husband would rather fight in court than give anything to this undesired girl child. Also, he has asked me to pay him Rs 4.8 lakhs towards expenses in marriage celebrations and during my stay with him for him to grant mutual divorce.
I presume I will have to fight. I had thought of forgiving a man for his ignorance earlier but now he is overstepping… After all there is a limit till which one can let go.
Thanks again for clarity.
R
iluvshrutiverma said
The laws and courts are quite certainly pro-women.
I do not know about your husband but he looks like a literate person away from reality. He does not know what the courts can do to him.
It is such a pity that there is something called an undesirable child. So many of my friends are fighting in the courts because their wives do not allow them to see the child.
Regards
R said
Dear Iluvshrutiverma,
I spoke to a couple of lawyers. They suggested that I can go ahead with filing for child maintenance and divorce. However, getting a divorce will not be easy as the court will send me to women cell.
Rather, both thereafter suggested that better I file for child maintenance and a complaint in CAW citing harassment and need for divorce.
I do not wish to pay my husband for his marriage expenses when am not even asking back for my streedhan/expenses borne by my parents. Its not that i dont have the legitimate bills or bank proof against it all, rather just that peace is more important. But then if the other party goes ahead to ask too big a price, I will have to prefer war for peace.
Do you think the lawyers’ final advise is okay?
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
Hi R,
At your stage, divorce is not a problem. The terms and conditions of divorce are what usually become a point of argument.
Maintenance (yours or childs) is independent of divorce.
The only ‘benefit’ of divorce is that you can get married again, else I do not see any big benefit of divorce. You can still apply and let the process begin but be prepared for a long long wait.
Legally speaking, you can still ask for your streedhan back even if you are not willing to share the marriage expenses. This is India!
Regards
Suresh said
I could not understand that Maintenance is independent of divorce.
Does it meant that the a wife can claim maintenance even without a divorce ?
[
I do now understand completely your meaning of saying that there is no real benefit of divorce unless one wants to re-marry, but unless there won’t be any divorce she will have legal rights to threaten and create havoc on us.
]
iluvshrutiverma said
Yes- this is what I meant – a wife can claim maintenance even without a divorce. In fact, a wife can claim maintenance even when living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. Wife can claim maintenance from you living in your house and making you stay in a rented house. This is India.
Legal rights to threaten and create havoc on us – well that she will always have, even as an ex-wife or just another woman on the road. In India, any woman can put any man into trouble. But narrowing the scope of this discussion, which legal rights/ havoc do you have in mind?
Secondly, let’s apply only common sense (and not legal knowledge). Even if we assume that her legal rights will be done if divorce happens. You think she would not want to be compensated for that?
(Request – I am finding it difficult to remember each and every detail of our past conversations since there is a 2-3 days turn around time in our conversations, hence please mention in your each comment – a very brief – say 2-3 bullet points summary about your past and present court cases status, thanks).
R said
Hi Iluvshrutiverma,
Thanks. its just that i don’t want to keep any ties with him and thats the reason for a divorce. now my problem is whether i give him his side of expenses (Rs 4.8l) while not asking for my istreedhan (Rs 9.6l) and expenses incurred from my side (Rs 26l). Don’t worry, I have bills, bank statements etc to prove all the expenditures. My father is a government servant and am his only child, and all expenditure can be cross referenced to bank withdrawals, etc.
Do you still think I should pay him his side of expenses to get a divorce? It is Rs 4.8l versus 1-2 years of staying away from Indian courts.
As for maintenance, I am working and thus would not require it. As for the child, I will have to fight for getting even 50% of expenses that will be required in the child’s upbringing. I had met my brother in law last weekend and was told that my husband does not want to have any relationship in his life with this child and thus, it would be too much to ask him for that much amount. Is it correct?
Is this India?
I read so often on web about pro-women laws, etc but then why is it so? Why is a girl termed as “paraya dhan” or is required to get dowry when she gets married? Why many husbands do not blink while striking her when she disobeys (mind the word disobeys). Why the right/wrong standards different for girls and boys in our society? Why girls (especially in Delhi) are told not to go out late alone? Why most molestation/rape victims women? I know there is no need to answer any of these questions as the answer is within these questions only.
I am a woman and surely do not feel second to any man in the world just because of my sex. Thus, if something is wrong or right for me then it must be the same for a person of the other sex.
And I do understand there are instances of misuse of these pro women laws, but then the actual aggrieved parties are much more than these misuses. You are a victim as I have read in your blog but then don’t you feel that there can be many women who have been victimised and most of them may not have the resources to even seek your advice?
Hope this is not irky. I just wanted to share with all what I felt and considered you (and your platform) to be intelligent enough to accept such a message.
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
Hi,
its just that i don’t want to keep any ties with him and thats the reason for a divorce.
>>Divorce is just a legal term. Keeping ties or not is a personal choice.
It is Rs 4.8l versus 1-2 years of staying away from Indian courts.
>>The fight is usually not about money. It is about self – respect and whether one has courage to stand up for what one believes is the right thing to do. I can tell you my personal ‘numbers’ – At 498a time, they asked for 25 Lacs. One year from 498a, when my parents attended court, wife’s side approached them for settlement and they asked 10 – 12 lacs. If they were asking for 10-12L, they would have agreed to something lower definitely. This was also 3 years back. In all likelihood, today they would be happy if I settle without taking any money from them.
>>Not that I really enjoy boasting about my career, but only to put things in perspective, at the time of 498a, I was earning around 18L p.a. fixed salary. I was in sales and marketing, hence there used to be additional 40-50% bonus over and above the fixed salary.
>>Today, I have a majority stake in a company that employs more than 120 FTEs.
>>The reason why I am telling you all this story is in order to tell you that people do not fight for money. They fight against injustice.
I had met my brother in law last weekend and was told that my husband does not want to have any relationship in his life with this child and thus, it would be too much to ask him for that much amount. Is it correct?
>>Of course that is not correct. The child is his responsibility. Just because he is not interested does not mean his responsibilities are over. That way, why are these 100s of husbands being forced to pay maintenance to their wives? You think they are interested in their wives?
>>The way your BIL talks, I think you are just wasting your time talking to him.
Is this India?
>>Yes, this is India. If a woman chooses to be weak, then it is not the nation’s problem, isn’t it? The nation has everything lined up to terminate men.
I read so often on web about pro-women laws, etc but then why is it so? Why is a girl termed as “paraya dhan” or is required to get dowry when she gets married?
>>Yes, I agree that in some families, parents dont treat their daughters at par with their sons, read my views at http://wp.me/plC3a-aK
Why many husbands do not blink while striking her when she disobeys (mind the word disobeys).
>>Do women do not hit?
Why the right/wrong standards different for girls and boys in our society?
>>Are the standards set by men alone?
Why girls (especially in Delhi) are told not to go out late alone?
>>Because girls are respected and protected.
Why most molestation/rape victims women?
>>What about the fact that most rape complaints across the world are false.
And I do understand there are instances of misuse of these pro women laws, but then the actual aggrieved parties are much more than these misuses.
>>How do you know?
You are a victim as I have read in your blog but then don’t you feel that there can be many women who have been victimised and most of them may not have the resources to even seek your advice?
>>So I do not help the ones that have resources to seek my advice?
Hope this is not irky. I just wanted to share with all what I felt and considered you (and your platform) to be intelligent enough to accept such a message.
>>In the history of my blogs, I have never rejected a comment. I ‘mask’ (****) some words in extreme conditions to avoid vulgarity or to hide personal identity on request. Apart from that, I accept all messages (you would even find messages where people call me loser/ idiot etc etc). All ideas are welcome. Your thoughts are as genuine as mine.
>>Regards,
R said
Hi ILSV (– well it is much easier :))
its just that i don’t want to keep any ties with him and thats the reason for a divorce. >>Divorce is just a legal term. Keeping ties or not is a personal choice.
* I agree but just that I don’t want to leave that door open for future. As you best said, personal choice.
It is Rs 4.8l versus 1-2 years of staying away from Indian courts. >>The fight is usually not about money. It is about self – respect and whether one has courage to stand up for what one believes is the right thing to do. …
* Thanks for this. I has helped me make up my mind. I will fight. Yesterday have submitted by complaint at CAW and putting together the other documentation like list, bill copies and expenditure which would be submitted in the next week.
And thanks, I will also file for maintenance. But am not sure how I will manage it easily as don’t have my husband’s salary details. He changed jobs after my daughter was born. While I know the approximate number, am not aware of bank, total CTC, salary slip etc. Will try and my way out… Any suggestions?
Regarding men vs women debate, I presume we can agree to disagree. Stats can be shown on both sides and even you will agree that we leave it here, after all, to quote you, “your thoughts are as genuine as mine”.
Regards,
R
nobody said
Hi R
So you have done what you had wanted all along but needed a confirmation stamp from some one else. I would say your decision is just wrong and immoral too and may cause you pain in very near future as you are not fighting against anyone but self. Why did you think that he can force you to pay 4.8l, you can not be forced to part with that kind of money , same way as he will not be forced by court to pay you your claimed 26l which you paid as dowry (yes you paid dowry and that is a crime, you had done the crime much before today and you are liable to be punished for that) even if you may not have accepted on paper that you gave dowry but you did and that is a social crime. Further you can not claim any money in name of marriage expenses, you can only claim what was gifted to you as Stridhan from anyone on the occassion of marriage. I don’t know how much is that but most likely he will fight and it will be difficult to prove you that finally in the court unless you had a signed list of articles as per section 2 of DPAct. But yes this can surely cause your ex-husband a temporary pain but I guess from your description of him, it will not matter much to him. He will get through it too. As for your making issue of Girl Child, why didn’t you go to court for divorce and child maintenance. Why did you go to CAW or Police for that matter. You can surely get child maintenance if you desire so and he does not want to keep the child. I think you have jumped to the conclusion may be more because you were misguided by your family and lawyers/CAW personels. But understand except for family everyone else is there to make fool out of you..if it helps them..I will not say anything about your family.. if they are ill advising you then it is because of possible EGO most likely and in some cases it is because of hidden greed and feeling of avenge. Both of them are dangerous for you. Best for you would have been to get divorce and child maintenace and then move on.. but you girls just don’t want to listen that ..you only want to listen to those ill spirited advises which causes you to file police complaints.. Remember these words whenever you are asked to write some lies on your petition/complaint to make your case stronger that nothing is stronger than bare truth.. because who sides with truth..he sides with him..
Sorry Guys If I interrupted..
NoBody.
R said
Dear NoBody,
Thanks for the message but probably you haven’t read all the conversations I have been having on this forum. To clarify,
Firstly, I am not asking him to give back even my istreedhan or the expenditure.
Secondly, all I asked was a divorce and he started asking for money. Also he deserted me and our daughter at the hospital itself when she was born 17m ago and doesn’t want to do anything with his daughter. He hasn’t even held her once.
Thirdly, going for divorce directly may not have helped put in the required pressure for it. I needed support and that has come from CAW cell.
Fourthly, my complaint is not an exaggerated one. I have submitted the lists, copies of bills, photographs, expenditure details, bank statements, etc today morning. All has been submitted before the first meeting only so that delay remains minimal.
All that I desire is a willingness to give a divorce easily along with no other issues created by him at a later date for the child.
I am still double minded about asking for child maintenance. Well, he should contribute some but then is it correct to ask someone who doesn’t even want the child in his life? Probably not. Revenge or money cannot make/keep one happy.
CAW is meant for support and it shouldn’t be wrong to seek that support?
By the way, it would be great if you can convince my husband to give me a divorce and stay away. I can easily live in peace, away from court trips.
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
1. When I said ‘keeping ties is a personal choice’, I still meant – divorce is just a legal term. People can choose to have personal ties even after divorce and people can choose not to have any ties even without divorce.
Though it is not common but I know of a divorce case, where the guy and girl had lunch together in a restaurant after the final divorce decree from the court and then left for their respective offices; but such cases are rare.
There are plenty of the second type of cases – where the marriage is dead and still no divorce.
2. You are naive. The way maintenance cases work is – you quote whatever salary you want to quote (his salary) and then he has to go and prove that he does not earn that much. Eg. let us say you have some salary slip from 2 years back that says he earns ‘x’ rupees, now u submit that in the court and say in the last 2 years, the salary must have become at least ‘1.25x’. Now if he has changed jobs to a lower salary, he will present his present salary details in the court; else what u have submitted will be taken as true.
Even when wives do not have any proof, then can arbitrarily claim anything. Eg my wife claimed that I earn 2 lacs per month without any proof of the salary (she attached a copy of my business card to say i am employed at a big post with such a big company.. that is all). AND this was the job that I had to quit because of 498a, still maintenance was ordered despite my being unemployed!
3. Your thoughts are as genuine as mine, then why is the whole nation pro-women? Read and comment on my latest article http://wp.me/plC3a-bY
R said
ILSV,
Thanks for the response, especially regarding maintenance. Things are clearer now and I do think that I can avoid inflating numbers, etc and save time. Wouldn’t it be useless to put forth a number which one knows is wrong?
Well, nevertheless lets see. I have the path set now 🙂
As for the pro-women thing, we definitely will agree to disagree and grass always appears greener on the other side of fence 🙂
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
It is not about the grass being greener on the other side of the road. Men in this nation have a far greater responsibility since times immemorial. The policy and the law is all pro-women. What is there to agree or disagree?
What can be argued is – whether men are themselves responsible for their condition or women made it that way. All around me, I see men trying to be ‘macho men’ in order to woo women. Hence, I do not attribute the pathetic condition of men on women alone. Men have been conditioned to help women.
The gender based role of men is hazardous. It gratifies the sexual ego of men to help any woman, and women just use this fact. Read here about the everyday situation where gender bias is reflected http://iluvshrutiverma.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/indian-men-have-gender-bias/
What I agree is that not all women are bad and not all men are good. (That was the precise reason that I helped you). My current problem is that the nation today holds a man guilty till he is proven innocent, the nation today says ‘women can never lie’, and several such symptoms – and this is grossly unfair.
You said – stats can be shared both sides. Well, I have never heard a stat from your side yet.
R said
ILSV,
Thanks for your help. Appreciate it and also the healthy conversation.
Regarding the gender discussion, you know I would have agreed with it to some extent but somehow none of it has been true in my own life:
* My parents taught me to do my own thing and not rely on the male around to do your stuff for you.
* My in-laws/husband enjoyed that status where they wouldn’t to lift a finger. Even their empty dinner plates/water glasses was picked up by me, especially with even no maid allowed to help in washing utensils/scrubbing floors/washing clothes. This was all part of daily schedule along with a full time job.
* All household work, grocery shopping, even getting a plumber/electrician to do odd jobs was managed by me, even when in late pregnancy. So naturally managing the regular medical check ups/hospital visits, etc were all done alone.
As for stats, well, these are out in abundant around:
* India today may be a country with a woman president and a woman as Parliament speaker, but it still can’t manage a minimum number of seats in the Parliament for women. Women who are supposedly close to 50% of the total population.
* Child Sex Ratio (0_6 years)
The child sex ratio has dropped from
945 females per 1000 males in 1991 to 927 females per 1000 males in 2001
The United Nations Children’s Fund, estimated that upto 50 million girls and women are ‘missing’ from India’s population
because of termination of the female foetus or high mortality of the girl child due to lack of proper care.
* Women as Workers
Female share of non-agricultural wage employment is only 17%.
Participation of women in the workforce is only 13.9% in the urban sector and 29.9% in the rural sector.
Women’s wage rates are, on an average only 75 % of men’s wage rates and constitute only 25% of the family income. In no Indian State do women and men earn equal wages in agriculture, and this is even true for NREGA.
Women occupy only 9% of parliamentary seats
less than 4% seats in High Courts and Supreme Court
less than 3% administrators and managers are women
Women and Education
Close to 245 million Indian women lack the basic capability to read and write.
Adult literacy rates for ages 15 and above for the year 2008 were female 46.4 vs male rate of 69%.
Women and Health
The average nutritional intake of women is 1400 calories daily. The necessary requirement is approximately 2200 calories.
38% of all HIV positive people in India are women yet only 25% of beds in AIDS care centres in India are occupied by them.
92% of women in India suffer from gynaecological problems and majority of these can’t be open about the matter.
300 women die every day due to childbirth and pregnancy related causes. The maternal mortality ratio per 100,000 live births in the year 1995 was 440.
For more, you may have a look at a shared blog:
http://www.conversationsforabetterworld.com
Regards,
R
iluvshrutiverma said
1. About the career statistics: given that the percentage of women is less. There can be one of the two reasons:
a. Women are not allowed to work
b. Women do not have to work
Your views indicate that ‘a’ is the real reason and not ‘b’; what is the basis?
2. About selective child abortion, will you please search for the phrase – legal responsibility – on my blog http://iluvshrutiverma.wordpress.com
3. On a side note, I do not think an average woman needs 2200 calories – I have a personal nutritionist and she said I need 2400 calories per day to maintain what I have (and I have more than what most men have). And women need less calories per day than men. Given that background 2200 seems to be too high.
4. About your personal experiences – We can safely assume that my experiences have been far more severe than yours. Moreover, I never said there are no bad people. Your husband was just a bad guy.
5. A related point – was your mother – in – law any better than your father – in – law? So is it really that men tortured you more in marriage OR is it just that you did not find the marriage structure fair to women?
6. About why women put a false high number on maintenance petitions – firstly it is to create sympathy in the minds of the judge that their husbands are having a luxurious life while they are on the roads. Secondly, it prompts the husband to submit his real income proof (which is lower than what the woman claims). Thirdly, judges are required by law to pass interim orders on the basis of female version of the story
Y said
Hello R,
First of all, the statement that you made in your earlier comment is really wonderful to hear
–“we need to love people and use things”
I can bet, there are very few people in this world who think like you do.
Anyways, I am a new comer into this arena of being cheated. My wife is “trying” to cheat me. I don’t know what she is up to as of now especially since she is a qualified LLB. I hope to get rid off her asap without any issues. Some initial caveats would be much appreciated.
Suresh said
What if I submit application of judicial separation, only during the absence of my wife or can I do the same in her presence (at home) also.
Is there any basis/account based on which my wife can sort-of veto/defy my application for judicial separation
If my parents disown me legally, then does it become illegal for me to stay with my parents, if I decide to do so(as I know this hurts my wife)
What conditions must be satisfied on basis of which court can grant me judicial separation, legally
iluvshrutiverma said
First things first – what do you wish to achieve by getting judicial separation?
Judicial separation is a bogus section, with not much real value. Usually lawyers brainwash you into filing Section 10 HMA only to make money in preperation of the petition and attending court dates. Eg. even my wife filed Judicial separation case only to withdraw it later. (I did not do anything about the case. I did not even bother to submit a written statement in response to her petition).
Suresh said
you mentioned that your wife had asked for judicial separation to which she turned her back later
In my case, I(husband) is asking for judicial separation, and am not going to turn around but will remain by my stand to take divorce from her.
does this make any difference or does this make my case stronger ? If yes, then
what if I submit application of judicial separation, only during the absence of my wife or can I do the same in her presence (at home) also.
Is there any basis/account based on which my wife can sort-of veto/defy my application for judicial separation
If my parents disown me legally, then does it become illegal for me to stay with my parents, if I decide to do so(as I know this hurts my wife)
What conditions must be satisfied on basis of which court can grant me judicial separation, legally
iluvshrutiverma said
JS (judicial separation) does make your divorce case stronger, but if you look at the total time elapsed and total effort spent, then you are better off asking for divorce directly. You understand what I mean? (You would end up wasting more resources in order to get JS first and then divorce, than you would if you ask for divorce directly).
To answer your questions: You can file JS or for that matter even divorce while still co-habiting. You can still stay with your parents even if they disown you.
Though, I do not see what do you wish to gain by their disowning you.
More importantly, why do you wish to file for divorce? I am not suggesting that you stay with your wife. I have been through that hell myself (of staying with a neurotic wife) so I know that it becomes impossible after a certain stage. But I am asking you what is it that you wish to achieve through divorce?
All the cases are just means to an end. I always emphasize on what does one wish to achieve through the specific case. I asked you the same thing earlier about JS and now asking the same thing about divorce.
Suresh said
please correct me wherever i am wrong:
1-the first condition of divorce is to live separately for about a year
2-she is not willing to live separately unless i give her rent-paid home to stay, as per her and her parent’s consent.
3-if i do not do that she is just not willing to leave me. i cant do violence as that is what they want so that they can implicate me in DV case
4-she always mouths ill words against my parents and threatens against them. a number of times she has threatened to put my parents in jail. they say that my parents interfere in her husband’s matrimonial life. in anguish, my parents disowned me and asked us to live separately.
5-i want to get divorce from my wife as neither i nor my parents have any trust on her anymore . we want to get rid of her.
iluvshrutiverma said
1-u r technically right, but there is something fundamental that you need to learn about this ‘game’. you have so much to learn that i do not even know where to start.
i have met at least 400 men in person who underwent divorce and not even one of them would have given a rented accomodation to a woman just to comply with divorce pre-requisites.
2- she will not be happy staying separately also. i can bet that she would keeping coming up with more terms and conditions as time passes.
staying separately for one year is not really essential, the courts can easily waive of that condition if the divorce petition is with mutual consent.
3-i am against any form of violence. they can implicate you in any case irrespective of whether u do anything or not.
4-if she is saying she will send ur parents to jail, she will ultimately try to do that. (my wife used to keep shouting the same thing and i was an idiot not to listen to her words – actually she used to blabber so much that i had stopped to listen)
5- divorce is just a legal term. her being a part of ur life or not is not decided by any court, that is decided by u.
Fighter said
I think cruelty is one independent condition which allows you to file for divorce, you can not file it within first year of marriage but after that if you have suffered cruelty then you can surely file divorce and myself has done the same. It is a different thing that for last 4 months, my case has not come up for hearing due to court strikes and all.. , Ha Ha Ha…
Point 5 reply is really the message, unless you want to remarry..you may stop bothering about divorce acceptance decree..though filing for divorce is a separate topic, because at times it can be the only legal move that you can take against your wife..and some suggests that make the first strike ..that depends on circumstances ..and can differ on case to case basis.
Suresh said
my wife says that she is willing to stay separate from me in separate home provided I pay for the rent. I am quite happy to do that. but if we look at her past she always changes her moves. can she later on that her husband (me) cares for her so much that her husband paid for the rent etc ? should i agree to her agreement in staying separately from me provided i pay the rent for her ?
iluvshrutiverma said
No, she can not later claim that you care for her because you are paying the rent.
If she has a tendency to keep changing her moves, then very soon she will get ‘bored’ of the separate rental arrangement also and will introduce some new item in the ‘terms and conditions’ to cause you trouble. Hence, I do not see why you should agree to paying her ‘separate’ rent. Do what is most economical for you. If she wants to stay separately, she can go and do that provided it does not burden you.
Vivek said
Hi ILSV,
these wives long for money before divorce (in the name of pocket money) and after divorce (in the name of maintenance) They do not work even after having post graduate degrees. Their parents never find any fault in their wicked daughters. To top it all they give full liberty to their born fighters to play mental games by giving them assurance that in case of any adversity they are standing behind them to fight case legally.
Anyhow, i know that you know all that.
My question is: If I give her money every month,
1 ) is it good to pay them by cheque
2)) from an account that is different from theirs.
3) If i pay them via cheque then can their photocopies be of any use to me while case will be filed against me by these greedy crows..
4) what if i do not pay a single penny ? how can this action of mine go against me ?
Please advice……
iluvshrutiverma said
Hi Vivek,
Was your wife working at the time of marriage? Did you clarify that you would expect her to continue working after marriage?
If not, then why are you not to be blamed for your financial distress as much as your wife? Women (and their supporters) are smart. They always find a guy who earns 5 times their daughters (like in my case). Men (and their families) are idiots when they marry someone who doesn’t earn. Why blame the girl’s family?
To answer your other questions
1. Yes, never pay cash
2. account different from theirs? How can you pay them from their account?
3. cheque clearing details are shown in most bank statements also, so photocopies might not be required
4. Are you paying her on your own or there is a court order?
Vivek said
Even before marriage, I had made this clear that we will both work.
2. we have a joint-account
so, i guess i should make a separate account and
2a)either
transfer money from that separate account to her account, or
2b)give her cheque from that separate account
4. i am paying her on my own.
iluvshrutiverma said
2. transfer all the money from a joint a/c to a separate a/c on some pretext
4. If you do not have kids. I do not see why you should be paying her on your own? If you have a kid, then this might help in child custody matter.
Ashish Jolly said
We do not have kids. She started created lot of issues and even her parents supported her. She said that I didn’t give her money. She demanded herself that she be given Rs 3000/- every month for her expenses. I even said that she is not my public servant to whom I will pay money. Anyhow, nobody in our family ever demanded or thought of asking money from the husband openly and that too after creating so much of fuss about it.
So, I was suggested by the elders of my family to pay her every month.
iluvshrutiverma said
No disrespect to any elders, but they want to see you getting exploited.
They are asking you to pay your hard earned money to some cruel painful creature!
One day you will regret every 3k that you paid.
Ashish said
I will then either stop paying her or will reduce the count gradually
Literally speaking, no matter what i say she just takes it otherwise and makes an issue of it.
if i stop talking to her then it is considered as mental cruelty. what are the consequences of that that i may have to face ? Divorce ? Anything more than that ?
iluvshrutiverma said
Divorce with such a woman should be a happy occasion for you.
Not talking to her can be considered cruelty under DV act, no where else; but that will be next to impossible to prove.
Take care of your financial assets ASAP.
Someday with a calm mind, think what you have become. You have to think whether not talking to a person is mental cruelty. This is not a good sign. Improve your situation soon. Take control of your life. Facing the problem today is better than just postponing it and living in fear.
Ashish said
please guide me how to take care of my financial assets
i don’t have much idea regarding finance. i have couple of investments only.
iluvshrutiverma said
Worry about your investments later.
First, stop throwing money in dustbin (paying your wife).
Coming to investments: I believe educated young people should worry about enjoying life and not saving money. Enjoy what you have. Who are you saving the money for? That jerk wife of yours?
Ashish said
1)
My wife knows that if I will file complaint against her then it will be in my local police station.
By using RTI can my wife know if I have filed any complaint (be it FIR or NC) against her ?
2) If my wife lives in city X(that has many suburbs, he lives in suburb X-1) , then can I file complaint against her in some police station but in different suburb, X-2 ?
iluvshrutiverma said
1) Yes but not many wives are an expert at RTI. If they were so intelligent and sensible-minded, they wouldn’t be making their as well as your life hell.
2) No
Ashish said
my wife is not alone, even she is equal to many wicked minds. she also has the brain of senior family advocate with lots of experience, stubborn parents who just understand the language of law and just don’t listen to anybody (senior/junior) in their own daughter’s extended family. her brothers are well educated and support her and are very well informed. the best part they are all in constant touch with each other.
iluvshrutiverma said
No one is stopping you from being in touch with your family. You can also seek support from who ever is ready to support you. Isn’t it?
Ashish said
if i file an RTI against her to check if she has filed any complaint against me then would she or her family members be informed about it. if not legally, then i guess their bribed person can. correct ?
iluvshrutiverma said
No, she will not be informed about it.
You are being too afraid. Be brave, be a man! This fear will kill you. Be angry!
Ashish said
I know have convincing feeling that they are not silent(as they appear to be verbally) but are using lot of legal tactics to know what all I am doing to prepare for the legal battle. I am not as intelligent or quick-witted as one should be. i need action, is the only way to save myself is to keep quite and let them do what they are doing. they are definitely doing lot of things in hiding, as they have told of things that i never told her. please help ………
Indian said
hey ashish, stop thinking much. just do , without filing case,whatever you want to protect yourself and your family. let her react with legel action. once she does, pounce on her with cases and bust them.
meanwhile chill out and enjoy your life.
by the way i had come to this site to tell about a very good judgement taken by US judges. the Indian judges should take a lesson from this
http://www.examiner.com/x-14537-Albany-CPS-and-Family-Court-Examiner~y2010m6d7-Nassau-County-judge-jails-mother-who-falsely-accused-ex-of-sex-abuse-and-alienated-him-from-kids
Rehman said
1.It is said a judge speaks from his judgements. we can produce judgements across a judge to take cues from. what if judge overlooks or doesn’t take into account the judgements forwarded to them by our lawyers? can we do anything in that case against the judge ?
2. can only the lawyer put the previously made judgements across the table to the judges or the person who is being convicted, also give references to the judgements ?
iluvshrutiverma said
You are not the person being convicted. You are just being prosecuted. There is a big difference 🙂 You are just being tried for the offense.
The judgments have to go through your lawyer but you can always find a lawyer who will forward everything that you ask him to.
You can also give the judgments but that would be more for a verbal discussion rather than put on record.
amit said
i feel lonely. I have my parents and family. I love them. They can’t come to’meet me because my wife and her parents frame charge on them that they interfere in our marital life.
I strongly feel that my wife has some mental disorder. Once her sister brought some bottles of medicines whereas to my knowledge she is not suffering from any ailment. Please guide me what should i do ?
Biswa said
can we apply directly in supreme court or we have to strictly follow the following order:
lower court(sessions court) -> high court -> supreme court -> ‘The End’
Sameer said
my FIL is in defence services. he is an influential person there. i want to know if i file RTI to about his month of retirement then can he be informed about it that his son in law is trying to get details about him?
iluvshrutiverma said
The chances of his being informed are minimal
Sameer said
thank u ilsv for answer. plz tell me:
1. is desertion a matrimonial offence? can court punish for deserting woman ?
2. if man doesnt pay the maintenance to his wife then what can the court do to the man?
Bangalorefighter said
@Sameer,
1) Desertion is an offence or rather a huge crime as claimed by feminists. If the judge is a feminist then they can make it all the more difficult for you – financially in particular.
2) You dont pay maintainence amount, they send you to jail.
iluvshrutiverma said
Bangalore fighter:
1) Desertion is not an offence. According to feminists, being a man is itself an offence so let’s leave feminists. Law nowhere says desertion is an offence.
2) If one fails to pay maintenance for a long period of time without any revision hearing pending, then there is provision for ‘jail’ period. Though firstly wife would need to file for execution of maintenance orders. Secondly, the chances of going to jail are very less – because the sex starved judge wants to help the wife. Sending you to jail does not give money to the wife. So he wants you to earn and give all your money to the wife.
Also, property attachment can happen in rare occasions on failure to pay maintenance.
Prajapati said
I used to live alone with my wife and my parnets in my city. she made my parents leave their home by saying to the elders of my family that my parents interfere in our married life. my elders asked me parents to leave me and my wife alone. As soon as my parents left my wife stopped creating scenes. this infuriarated me as my parents always treated my wife as their daughter (more than daughter in law). i tried a lot to make her believe that nobody from us against her but all in vain. now that i left her she has called her brother and says that my broter in law has to take care of her because i left her. nobody listens to me. plz guide me what can i do ?
iluvshrutiverma said
I do not understand what are you trying to do. First, you agreed to your parents moving out. Then you left your wife. Make up your mind
Prajapati said
i and my parents wanted to save the marriage. they left. but when i was left alone with her and she did not mend her ways then i gave up on her. so i left. i thought if i suffered so lot for her may be she will realize my love for her. but to my suprise she still didnt stop making false allegations against us. now i have made up my mind to live without her. please advice the best i can do to safeguard my and my family life
Bikramjeet said
I living seperatly from my abusive wife from last 7 months . there was joint a/c in our name. she took more than half of total money in a/c one day. later she kept taking 1-2 thousand rupees every month. there is no case againt me at this time. can i make use of her money taking out, for my favour if she files on me any legal case ?
Bikramjeet said
I dont have much money. My friend tell me if go to police or advocate they will make me pay money until i go bankcorrupt. Sir, i want to know can i fight case without any advocate , if my wife file case on me?
AB said
“In these facts and circumstances, in the event of arrest, applicant be enlarged on bail on furnishing PB in the sum of Rs. 25000/- with two sureties in the like amount each to the satisfaction of IO/SHO.”
The bail was granted on 6/7/2011 and i received certified order copy on12/7/2011.
IO didnt came to my place to arrest me after bail granted on that date. Previously i had 3 days interm bail which finished on 2/7/2011 and the notice to surrender was given on 29//6/2011 by IO.
Now what should i do? Should i go to police station with sureties or should i wait for IO to come my place for arrest. What is the procedure.
Kindly help (Its Urgent)
iluvshrutiverma said
go to the police station with sureties
Rajkumar said
is this true that irrespective of the fact, as to whether wife or husband files for divorce from the other spouse, husband always has to pay for the litigation/Transmit expenses of wife, if she doesnt reside in the same city as that of place where court proceedings are held ? On what factors do the litigati0n expenses depend ?
Rajkumar said
if wife shows MLC/medical report for the bruises suffered on her, as she gets uncontrollable and fights and i only used to pacify her, and in the process she got the bruises and then she says that i hit her whereas i didn’t. how can i reveal my innocence and her lies to the court ?
Preet Pal said
Hi ILSV,
Have to come to know from sources that my opponents have decided to file DV case after divorce with mutual consent.
Their aim is to get alimony from me. They understand well that it is all about convincing the judge in legal cases. Their plan is to mention in the case with mutual consent , that she doesn’t claim in compensation from me. This will prove to the judge that she is not interested in money. Later she intends to file DV against me.
Please guide me with your wise advices.
iluvshrutiverma said
If I understand your case correctly, the divorce has not happened till now. You are in the process of getting a divorce with mutual consent. Not claiming compensation now does not make it a very strong case for claiming compensation later. It is a very weak logic to say she isn’t interested in money because she did not claim it earlier. Moreover what are your other options? You want to pay her compensation now in divorce?
Preet Pal said
1.
I do not want to pay her any compensation. She already has lakhs of rupees from my family as gifts and streedhan. Even if she doesnt claim for money, she doesnt lose anything as she already has lot of money from us.
2.
I got your point – “Not claiming compensation now does not make it a very strong case for claiming compensation later.”. So, she can always claim for money later on. And then if we ask her why did she agree earlier not to claim any compenstaion, does not hold any significance in the eyes of law. Yes ?
3.
I want to know what precautionary measures I MUST take not to let her sting me again with her designs
Preet said
Hi ILSV,
As of now there is no legal case against me.
My legal wife made me run out of the house that I had on rent for both of us.
She put an application for legal aid and advice.
She tried to prove to the Government appointed Mediator that I am neither allowing her to stay with me nor am I willing to give her divorce.
Both of us agreed to divorce with mutual consent
She said she doesnt need any compensation
I am waiting for the summons from the court.
Came to know that she got a free lady lawyer from Authority.
That lawyer gave the record that she tried to contact me but I am not responding.
My legal wife also came with crocodile tears to my elders reciting the false story of harassment
Please guide
Preet Pal said
Hi ILSV,
1. If she can prove that I do not live at the place, as I have mentioned in the court then can she harm me in any way ?
2. If she comes to my actual place of residence then what should I do to make her step go against her ?
Preet said
Hi ILSV,
As of now there is no legal case against me.
My legal wife made me run out of the house that I had on rent for both of us.
She put an application for legal aid and advice.
She tried to prove to the Government appointed Mediator that I am neither allowing her to stay with me nor am I willing to give her divorce.
Both of us agreed to divorce with mutual consent
She said she doesn’t need any compensation
I am waiting for the summons from the court.
Came to know that she got a free lady lawyer from Authority.
That lawyer gave the record that she tried to contact me but I am not responding, whereas the truth is that nobody ever contacted me.
My legal wife also came with crocodile tears to my elders saying that I am harassing her by neither giving her divorce nor signing the petition for divorce
Please guide. Also tell me if I should use the same advocate for mutual consent divorce, as being used by my legal wife ?
Harassed said
my wife and I had submitted joint application in the court saying that we have mutually agreed to get divorce by consent. In the signed application it was stated that our matter has been settled.
in the court judge asked her if her parents had given anything in marriage to me
she said yes
now the court has directed our common/mutual advocate to prepare deed of consent that items, earlier if exchanged between us, have been returned back to each other.
whereas the truth is we took nothing from them. so should we give any such statement to them indicating that whatever, xyz items they gave to us in marriage, we have returned back to them ?
Harassed said
as they can say that why did we take dowry from them ? whereas we never took anything !
Harassed Preet Pal said
I had mentioned earlier : now the court has directed our common/mutual advocate to prepare deed of consent that items, earlier if exchanged between us, have been returned back to each other.
Now, she is saying to us via our common lawyer that she demands money else she won’t sign the papers for mutual consent
iluvshrutiverma said
So what is the question for me? If you want to succumb to extortion, go head and pay her to get divorce
Preet said
Never will pay money as I know she is never going to stop asking unless finally gets blocked. But thank you very much for your response
arvind said
I am somehow managing to making my place of habitat untraced from my wife who is on her toes to find my place and make scenes there so that i am forced to take shelter at some other unknown place .
This will help her to make trouble for me.
She wants me to apply for divorce from her.
What i want to know is if at all she is able to find my place of habitat ( but if I do not provide that address to the court but some other address then)
1.can she forcibly get into my actual place of habitat or
2. the only thing that she can do is to apply for the right to residence in the address of my habitat as mentioned to the court ?
iluvshrutiverma said
You can write any address (within the same city where you are applying for divorce) in the divorce application – your parent’s address, lawyer’s address etc
arvind said
thanks for the reply.
can she legally gain entry to my place of habitat ( be it the one that is mentioned in the divorce application or not ) till the time she is married to me (even though the cases are going on)? OR during either judicial separation only ?
iluvshrutiverma said
She can get a right to residence but usually she will ask for a separate residence. So your worry on the residence front is primarily that the court will expect you to support her (maintenance wise). Her forcibly going and living at the place you mention on your divorce application is not your worry. Still if you want to play it safe, then rent some remote low class accommodation for rent 1,000 rupees a month and declare that you are living there, she is welcome to come there and live with you
Harassed said
The court sent us to the mediation center to exchange the list of items exchanged if any during marriage
In the mediation center my opponents are talking of any item exchanged but wasting time in quarreling and saying that she wants to live with me. Now her father is saying that he wants to talk to my family. It seems they want to drag my parents in the legal battle.
please advice me with your legal expertise
iluvshrutiverma said
Mediation centre is another name for extortion cell. If she is saying she wants to live with you, you also say you want to live with her. She will put certain unreasonable conditions. You also put some conditions that you know she will not be able to comply with. Basically this all is just drama and will not lead to anything meaningful.
someshmoovers said
thanks for the reply.
my lawyer suggest me to file RCR.she said that if we got negative replay we would withdraw the petition and filled divorce petition on cruelty ground and she said that this will help to fight maintenance case also .pls suggest that it will work out or not.
iluvshrutiverma said
Never forget that lawyers benefit as the number/ length of cases increase. In my opinion, you do not stand to gain anything by any case in the family court
veejay said
when you say family court , do you mean mahila court where MM gives judgement ?
if one is all out to go against the female litigant then wont it be a better approach to not care about the lower court now and later go to higher court for justice ?
iluvshrutiverma said
Ignoring lower court is not a good idea. Going to the higher court later is always an option but if you win a case like 498a in the lower court, then wife cannot go to high court… the case is husband v/s state; so only the state can go to a higher court
Wonder said
hi ILSV
taken your advice.
(i believe that the lower court and the mahila court are different and if so) can one wind off the case quickly from Mahila court (and if case is lost in mahila court) then go to the lower court by making an appeal against the order from MM ?
someshmoovers said
Sir,
Then Pls advice according to u what will be best for me to get rid from her with my son with me.
Sir advice me please………………
OM PAL AGGARWAL said
This is the best site for legal guidance. I do have also a problems .Mr. X filed divorced petition and lower court give judgement in his favour. My question is — 1. What remedies available to Mr. X wife after her husband divorced her?
2. she has not asked her laws to return what her parents has given in her marriage during the divorce proceeding. After divorced how can she get back from her in-laws the gift she get from her parents and relatives in her marriage.
please guide me in this case
iluvshrutiverma said
If Mrs. X has not remarried yet, then she can claim maintenance. As for the Stridhan, ideally this should have been handled at the time of divorce. One natural question would be – why she was silent that time (unless of course it was an ex-parte divorce)? It also depends on whether there were some ‘financial’ conditions associated with the divorce
vk said
my seperated wife of three yrs, says she had taken out the jewellery from the locker and given to me. but actually i didnt even know that she had operated the lockers when with me…..what can i do to get back my jewellery from her…..she has also filed dv case and maintenece case….i have filed divorce case against her just recently
iluvshrutiverma said
You should not have filed for divorce. Read the FAQ here – http://wp.me/PwezX-K
About getting the jewelry back – someone stole your stuff, now how will you get it back?
Impicated76 said
ILSV: You are doing a great work for the society. Soon I will bother you with couple of queries from my bizarre case, which I hope would be beneficial to other fellow readers as I beleive i learnt a lot by reading about others, I feel others can also learn from your answers to my queries.
Imploicated76
HB said
HI.. Am a woman with a weird problem.. Got married in an arranged scenario within 56 days of meeting my husband for the first time.. Told him that i had an affair in the past to which he said he didn’t care since it happened in the past… But after marriage he started blackmailing me and treating me badly.. we discovered we were culturally too apart and he married me seeing my good salary… he lied about his harmonious family, his background but nothing major.. in 15 months of our marriage, we’ve stayed together for 6 months since he works on onsite projects.. I have no fond memories from marriage and hate my husband a lot… I need a divorce and when i told my parents about his blackmailing and abuses, like typical Indian parents they started fault finding with me…
Help needed on the front:-
– I need to prove my husband is a hypocrite.at any cost
– need reference of some good detective agency
– Need a divorce ( to which my husband says he’ll torture me my entire m\life but nt divorce)
Added Info: Have consulted marriage counselor and do not want this marriage to work.
Vivian said
Buddy you are doing a great job; your fight inspires people like me to fight back; good show brother
Sandeep said
I married 4 month back. I come to know wife past affair (before marriage) and after argument she agreed that she had physical with boy. We did trick and asked boy that boy told us they enjoyed many times. After our engagment also she had chat with boys (atleast 3 i tracked with all sexy chat) and told them that she will come and meet them. I have recording about her acceptance. She finaly agreed saying she is doing this marriage only to make happy her father and mother. She also told me that she will stay with me without any complaint. I never had relation and I tried to overcome this but I could not so I decided for divorce. I have different concept for marriage its all give and take respect, if I cannot give her respect how my life would be happy its big question. My doctor said you will have to wait for some time as I am under too much pressure and depression.
We had discussion on family level and her father accepted her mistakes with lot of arguments ( he call himself foreign culture follower). Now he is ready for mutul divorce. but asking us 4.5 lacs cash and all jellery worth (2 lacs) received in marriage and furniture( 1 lacs) gift from marriage return else they will not come for sign.
We are ready for all, but they ask us for outside paper they told us we will not do this through court. Its too risky I know.
1. What should i do as he is very poor in communication and convey us that they dont have any hurry as her doughter is 4.0 years younger than me?
2. As thought he is ready for mutual he dont even respond well (yes we r desperate as i need divorce).
3. If in case they will not get ready on what basis i can go for divorce? I have all recorded confession and also her chating mails.
4. Is there any trick to make them worry (her father is very egoist person and he does not thing of her daughter becuse before some day she also told me that his happend under pressure o her father)
5 I am trapped and very upset becuse of this i could waste my important career growth and my mother father health. May be if I file case they will file false 498 against us.
please sugest
iluvshrutiverma said
1 – u can tell them u are also not in a hurry… a man is a man forever. A woman loses her ability to reproduce rather quickly, so tell her that her market value is going down every day, you dont care
3 – forget about getting a divorce, continue with ur life without a divorce… the more u try to get a divorce, the more drama ur wife will do
4 – think about ways to cause them inconvenience
harassed said
my marriage has not consummated. i doubt if that gilr has some medical problems. please giude how can i get her medically and mentally examined according to law? is there any problem i have to face if i ask for such demands from court ?
iluvshrutiverma said
There is no problem though it is not likely that the court will order such tests for a woman.
Preet said
Taking cue from Harassed’s strategy, even if she denies to give medical/psychological test, won’t that be enough to sow doubt in the mindset of the judge that there should be something fishy due to which the wife denied to get tested ?
Mishra said
my wife is adamant to prove in court that i don’t live at place mentioned in court
i received all summons sent at that place.
court asked to send the protecton officer to check it
what do i lose if it is found that i dont live there?
any legal actioin that can be against me ?
Anuja said
As per http://www.indianexpress.com/news/no-relief-for-wife-under-domestic-violence-act-unless-in-relationship-high-court/1088618/ does it mean that now no wife will be able to get maintenance from court unless under the DV Act, at the time of filing of the DV case, she was in the domestic relationship with her husband?
Preet said
Hi ILSV,
Can you please answer Anuja’s query ?
I think this judgement can be a boon for all of us.
Does it mean that now no wife will be able to get maintenance from court unless under the DV Act, “at the time” of filing of the DV case, she was in the domestic relationship with her husband?
Thanks
Vivek said
DV case is against me. if i leave the country then can’t i come back ? DV case is still running and it is a civil case. Please guide
sush said
Well after reading some painfull reviews of some fellow brothers i also like to share my friends experience ,
some years age one of my good friend married to randam girl in arrange manners after some pain full months he came to know that she is not acalamatising in family well and not even like to share romance with him, he never told us this as it is so personal but he and his family always trying to get her back from her drem world but they failed and he got frustrated more day by day,
An year after one day we all friends went to a boys picnic and at night with heavy drink he looses his pations in front of us , at same time me and one of my friend who is legal advisors in firm we controlled him as that was not best time to open frustration and we managed to talk to him next day in privacy , he explain us the same case and he told us that he is afraid of Indian laws which is in favour of women’s no matter they are right or wrong, our adwiser friend told him not to get worry because things were not so bad and he told him to get close to his wife and make her to love him and if she refuse to get close then take her to another romantic break to get her open and if she still refuse then ask her about any sexual filling problems in really polite way, after doing all as says above she still remain same then he was told to hire private decative to get every information about her past and present, after one and the half years of marriage and 4 months private invistication it came out that she was having affair from collage and marriage was done without her will and she was still meeting her in near by hotels and they friquintly visiting lodges in absence of husband, after came to know this shocking fact he was told to be pations as we were needed more evidence to file strong case agnest her, in the mean time my friend was told to be a more close to one of her family member who have best relations with every one of her family, in her side her younger uncle was best choice and my friend has made good contact with him, then gudgement day come decative conformed her arrival at lodge with her boyfriend and my friend along with me and some other friend and one polic e friend we were reached there and her uancle was supprisly called by my friend for genuine avidance we all reached there and supprisly cought her in act with shame in front of her husband and uncle, in this case private detective and her own uncle played great role and with plenty of avidance and her own uncles help my friend got devorce last year without paying anything to her and got his life back , in this case what we have to learn that be patients and don’t break your self for the one who doesn’t care about you, if you don’t like your partner and want to get rid from it without paying your hard money for your own distraction please be calm and find solution first to save your marriage and money and devorce should be last way of it, try to get solve everything by taking proper advise and find solution in proper way, laws are one sided but you have to find way out of it without gating frustrated ……. Be good be safe and please mail me if u want to discuss any thing and sorry for my english . sushnaik231085 @gmail.com
Rohit said
Hello ILSV,
i read your blog. This is very informative.
I am in a legal and social fix. Please help me.
My marriage is not been consummated. (no p3n3!r@T***).
On wife’s request, we (I and my wife) filed for MCD, and she said that marriage has been consummated. I agreed. Later she revoked MCD and filed DV.
In DV also, she said that marriage has been consummated. I again agreed, and in my WS, mentioned that marriage has been consummated. I thought she will understand.
But now I am fed up of her. I want to tell to the court the reality that marital obligations have not been performed yet.
i talked to many advocates but all say that its no use now.
i read somewhere in your blog, where you have mentioned that given a fact , you can turn it both ways. I am open to any psychometric or medical test. Please let me know if i need to call you or send you email, personally. PLEASE HELP ME !! what can I do ?
Your response much awaited.
iluvshrutiverma said
I apologize for the harsh words but you seem to be in a habit of being foolish again and again. She lied once and you agreed. She lied again and you agreed again. And then you say “I thought she will understand” – tell me what should she understand? She will understand that you are one man who is not smart enough to see what is happening. My friend, once so much has happened there is no scope for any sort of compromise, so have mercy on you and stop to make her understand. She understands everything she needs to.
There is no way for you to medically prove that marriage was not consummated. The only thing you can do is go back on your earlier statement – accept that you made a mistake in your earlier response. But you have made the same mistake multiple times, so I do not know how believable your new statement will be.
Rohit said
Thank you ILSV, for your prompt response. I get your point.
So, that means even if I now go back to my earlier statement by accepting the mistake in my earlier response, the judiciary may not come to know that , how believable my ‘new’ statement is.
The truth was also that :
– I didn’t want to get her image/prestige in tatters with the revelation of the truth.
– I didn’t want to close all channels of re-conciliation.
However, now that she doesn’t budge with her adamant behavior , I want to reveal her true intentions. I also have evidence in which she is referring to a doctor who asked her that despite of the marriage in place since about 8-9 months, why even a finger cannot be inserted ? The wife herself admits that we (I and she) had gone to the doctor after about a year/year-and-a-half after marriage.
ILSV, cannot this information be used to my benefit ?
Please guide. Also please let me know if I may contact you via phone or email.
Eagerly awaiting your reply.
iluvshrutiverma said
You can use all of this to show her character but it would have been much easier if you would have countered it the first time itself. Who in their right mind thinks about her image once she is out there to make your life miserable? Still if you can go back and prove her wrong all over, it will go in your favor.
If you would like to meet people who are undergoing (have undergone) similar experiences, please attend weekly in-person meetings of SIF.
Another request for you – please do not use multiple names to ask questions, several years back you used some other name and email id. I do not care whether you use your legal name or a pet name but just choose one name and stick to it please. It helps me understand the case development in totality.
Rohit said
Thanks , ILSV
Rohit said
Also, when I brought to the attention of the judge that once I had even taken her for medical checkup, the didn’t give satisfactory replies. Then, she answered verbally to the judge that she had never been to a doctor. (As informed above, I have evidence where she is talking about the query , the doctor had asked her.) Please tell me the strategy I can weave to corner her.
Rohit said
In the interest of justice, cannot I offer myself for the Medical and Polygraphic test, and request the judge to give the opportunity to my opponent also to undergo the same tests, if at all, she thinks she is right ?
iluvshrutiverma said
You can try, I do not think the judge will agree
Rohit said
As per http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Sunanda-Pushkar-case-Three-suspects-to-undergo-polygraph-test/articleshow/47357578.cms , Polymorphic tests are being conducted.
I want to know why cannot (if it is not possible) we get the polymorphic test conducted of our legal opponents , if we offer ourselves also for these tests ?
Rohit said
Hi ILSV,
In a fresh development, my legal wife has taken her case back against my mother . She had implicated by mother in the DV case that she has filed against me.
Question:1
I want to get your expert opinion on how to use this act of my wife to my advantage.
Reason that she has given for this act of her is that she wants to make the environment conduce for rejoining with the her husband (me).
Question 2.
I want to ask you if all of her allegations (as submitted by her in her Written Statement) which involved my mother, legally become invalid now ?
Thanks ILSV.
HarassedHusband said
hi ILSV, I want your expert services to get my cross examination questions. please let me know where can i contact you ?